The following is the content of what Barbara’s son, Martin, attempted to deliver at the funeral for his mother on January 6, 2015.
To be honest, I’m at a bit of a loss for words and I struggled for a long time to try to figure out what I could possibly say about my mother. As one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever known, it’s still a little hard to believe that she didn’t somehow manage to outlast us all despite everything the last few years threw at her.
It’s also probably going to take a miracle for me to be able to finish saying everything I’ve written down here.
My mother was without a doubt a huge influence on who I am today. For starters, I expect my partner Cristina can confirm that I’m a pro when it comes to being stubborn. I also learned how to tolerate my father’s sense of humour at an early age, though that is a lifelong pursuit and I’ve got a long way to go before I master it to the degree that she did. It probably doesn’t help that I share some of his sense of humour as well.
On a more serious note, one thing that I keep coming back to in my thoughts over the last few days is that if she wanted you to know what she thought, about anything, she was pretty good about just telling you flat out, for better or for worse, with or without the sugar coating depending on what the opinion was. That’s not to say that she was always so up front and blunt with everyone all of the time. I don’t think anyone is quite that honest and forthcoming in every situation, but I think it’s safe to say that if she told you what she thought, she tended toward holding very little back.
I’m not always so up front and blunt in my dealings with people either, but I do often feel like I should strive to be more so, and that overall it’s a very positive trait. I think she was a significant influence in creating that impulse in me. I also have a strong belief that one should strive to learn the truth, whether it be just about yourself, or more importantly, about others and the rest of the world we all share. I honestly believe belief is an extension of learning the value of just saying what you think, whether someone wants to hear it or not, from seeing her as an example of someone who often did just that … saying what she thinks, whether someone wants to hear it or not. I don’t know that she was trying to teach me that lesson in any way, but it’s one I feel I’ve learned from her, and it’s a lesson I value immensely.
I’m sure there are countless other ways that she has influenced the way I think and act, most of which are probably things I haven’t realized yet. I suppose that’s one of the ways in which I’ll carry her memory along with me, in those moments where I realize all of the little ways in which I am her son.